THE EXPAT LIFE
Making friends in a new country
BY Monita Pesumal
When I moved to the Middle East – sparkling Doha as it is today – one of the world’s most amazing playgrounds was so remote to me. I never thought I’d make a friend, yet alone build a community.
My lucky stars had a role to play and the South Indian lady seated next to me at work became the reason I survived. Unorthodox as it may seem, I couldn’t complete this column without a tribute to her.
Once upon a time, there was this girl. She was about my height, and much fairer and smarter. And she taught me well at work and dropped me home occasionally. She was a great cook and often shared her homemade tuna sandwiches with me. I grabbed the recipe and learnt to make them too.
Sometimes we’d hang out with other colleagues and as time went by, we grabbed countless coffees together. We bargain hunted, ate junk food, gift shopped, watched movies and even got lost on most Doha roads, thanks to her expert navigation skills.
We travelled overseas for work, laughed at ridiculous office plots and made fun of those who were shorter than us. We gossiped on the way to IKEA, planned birthday parties and celebrated all festivals with equal joy.
I visited her home. She visited my hometown in Colombo. As time went by, her family became my extended family. She took me to the doctor when I was sick, consoled me if I had an issue and was always my loudest cheerleader.
Yes, once upon a time, there was this girl… Today, this girl, and her daughter and husband are the reasons I’m blessed to have two families.
Your workplace is a natural and convenient place to start building a social network. Participate in after work drinks, shisha or mocktails, team building activities and office parties – they provide informal settings to get to know your colleagues better.
Throw the ‘don’t mix business with pleasure’ rule out of the window when in a foreign country because you’ll need your colleagues as the first path to survival. Take time to learn about their lives beyond work – ask about their interests, hobbies and families to build deeper connections.
Another way to meet people in a new country is by joining local clubs and organisations. Whether it’s a sports club, book club or cultural association, these groups provide a platform to meet like-minded individuals.
For me, joining the Doha Players drama club turned out to be a fantastic decision.
Drama rehearsals became my sanctuary. The director, a seasoned expatriate from Scotland, introduced me to a diverse group of actors from around the world. We rehearsed, improvised and laughed together. Post-rehearsal coffee sessions became our ritual. We shared stories of our homes, struggles and joys.
The best part is she invited me to spend the holidays with her in Scotland. I hesitated, wondering if I’d fit in. But I did go… and it was the best decision I ever made. I met her circle of friends who soon became my circle too.
Not only did we explore Doha together but many parts of Scotland too. We had potluck dinners, celebrated birthdays, and supported each other through thick and thin. From drama mates, they became my social network.
Joining groups is a great way to connect with people who share your interests. Attend meetings, participate actively and don’t shy away from social events. These gatherings offer an excellent opportunity to bond over shared activities and interests, making the transition to a new country smoother.
When I moved to Doha, writing was more of a hobby because my working hours were 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Writing kept me connected to my thoughts and experiences. Little did I know this hobby would open doors to lifelong friendships.
I began by writing short stories and blog posts about my experiences as an expat. One day, a fellow expat with a popular blog about life in Doha stumbled upon my work. She reached out with an invitation to contribute to her website. This collaboration became a turning point.
Working together on the blog, we shared ideas, edited each other’s work and brainstormed about future projects.
What’s more, she introduced me to the world of proper fine dining restaurant reviews. The more restaurants I visited, the more people I met and my circle of friends grew. Writing, something I thought was a solitary pursuit became a bridge to meaningful friendships.
Making friends in a foreign country might seem daunting at first but it’s about stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing opportunities to connect with others. Whether it’s through your workplace, local clubs or personal hobbies, there are countless ways to build a supportive and vibrant social network.
So take the leap, open your heart and you might just find your new best friends in the most unexpected ways. And if these tips fail, there are always Instagram and TikTok DMs, eh?